Wolf and I
by TimeCannotErase
Summary: Remus Lupin has nothing to live for after the eve of October 1981. With his friends either dead or imprisoned and blame settling deep within his heart he needs something to live for and to light his way through the darkness. He discovers his true mate. Too bad she's too young to even read yet. Watch as friendship evolves into romance and all the struggles between. (HG/RL)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All characters of the Harry Potter Universe are property of J.K. Rowling. Any canon characters, scenes, or plots that I use are not mine and I do not profit from them.

**Warning: **M for language, violence, and some eventual smut.

**A/N: **I want to thank the amazing and so very friendly FFnet member **SheAlone **for being my Beta for this story. Her work has been a source of inspiration for me and if you haven't read _The Debt of Time_ time then you need to head over and do so.

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**Wolf and I**

Chapter One: The World Ends

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Green flames crackled and sputtered as a hunched silhouette emerged from a great stone fireplace. As soon as the figure stepped out its hues evolved back into those of warmth, casting dancing shadows against the dark wood and brick that made up the Leaky Cauldron. The sighing man wore shabby robes, which had been repaired magically one too many times, and dark circles marred his face despite his youth. After smoothing out the fabric, he ran a hand absentmindedly through mousy hair before making his way to the bar.

Few people would be around to bother him here. Even with the recent demise of 'You-Know-Who', the patronage of what had once been the heart of Diagon Alley had still not returned. The Daily Prophet wrote about the dawning of a new era for the wizarding world, and while it wasn't front page news anymore there was always something to read about the boy who lived. Just thinking about it caused the wizard's green eyes to close as memories of his best friends painfully bubbled up.

_"He'll be a Seeker all right! Just look at him go and he can't even bloody walk yet!" Sirius boomed with delight as he pointed to his levitating godson. _

_The little boy, who had only taken his first few wobbly steps last week, was now holding on tightly to the base of a miniature broomstick as it made turn after turn around his shocked mother. _

_"Sirius Black, if my son falls from that broom it'll be your head!" Lily Potter scowled while mentally promising to lock the thing up for a least a few years as soon as Sirius left. She would not let that man poison her son with thoughts of Quidditch already. Her Harry was going to favor academics over sports._

_"He'll be the youngest Seeker there ever was," remarked Remus with a big grin. His face was filled out and had a healthy glow. Any stubble that may have marred his face had been removed by a useful Evanesco. The wizard laughed as the small boy bumped into his leg with less force than a tiny Bludger. "Careful now," he chided as the boy giggled and drifted deviously towards the family's cat._

"_Oi! You hear that, James? Try not to be jealous when your son steals the spotlight," the dark-haired wizard barked. He went up to his godson and scooped him off the broom, causing Harry's little brows to furrow with frustration. The birthday boy let out an angry wail before Sirius placed him gently upon the ground. "What a beastly little lad," he said playfully as he ruffled the boy's fuzzy hair. "Just like your father I'd say!"_

_"Padfoot!" The boy cried as his little fists shook through the air and tears slid down his ruddy cheeks. _

_Before James or Lily could move to console the boy, his troublemaking godfather shifted into his Animagus form and began licking the salty tears away. Lily rolled her eyes as James beamed proudly at his best friend._

"_That was one of his first words, right?" Remus asked slowly with a wink as the boy grabbed onto the black dog's fluffy tail and shrieked happily. "Wait, wasn't the first one actually da-"_

"_Not in front of him!" James and Lily both yelled in unison, causing the whole room to erupt in laughter at the young adults who had slowly blossomed into parenthood. Sirius howled before rolling onto his belly and Remus clutched his sides painfully, his ribs still bruised from the last full moon. _

That had been one of the last times Remus had seen all his friends at once, including the young boy with eyes like his mother and unmanageable hair like his father.

There were few moments to be completely off guard in those days and in the case of Remus, he was almost always sent off on Order business. The werewolf packs he infiltrated were extremely suspicious and dangerous; this left him unable to communicate very often with those he cared for back home. The few occasions when he did return, he was often exhausted mentally and physically. Without the Wolfsbane Potion to retain his clarity during the full moon, he was unable to control his inner animal. So instead he fully surrendered to it, allowing Moony to take the reins around the packs, which in return made them accept him.

Accept was a strong word and perhaps not quite the right one, but he was allowed to exist among them. Remus had often awoke battered and bruised after the full moon and with the metallic taste of blood lingering in his mouth. Fresh wounds were always expected and while sometimes minor, others raked far across flesh and dug deep, leaving the silvery scars behind. There was, of course, the impulse to mate as well; thankfully, the females often targeted more mature and intimidating males. While this angered the wolf, it satisfied the man who no longer wished for temporary trysts with strangers.

"Hello, Mr. Lupin," a friendly voice greeted, snapping Remus back to reality.

He had been staring off into the fire as he sat upon a wooden stool and rested his arms against the bar. The place had a musty smell that was completely unique to it, laced with hints of alcohol and oak. The man's green eyes rose to those of Tom's as he tried to muster up a friendly smile that ended up somewhere in the zone of a grimace.

"I've told you that you can call me Remus, Tom. It's only fair."

The innkeeper gave a shrug. "I suppose so. Yer still pretty young, I reckon, even if you look about thirty." He gave a hearty chuckle before flicking his wand through the air, causing a cup to appear and land right in front of Remus's surprised and then frowning face. "Will it be the usual?"

The werewolf nodded as soreness crept up his bones and reminded him why he had used Floo powder to get to the pub and not Apparition. He would have risked getting splinched in his current state and was honestly surprised that he had not made a wrong turn before ending up in Diagon Alley.

He looked up to see Tom had returned with a bottle of Firewhisky and then provided him with a generous helping. Remus tried to wave his hand to stop the flow of amber liquid, but the innkeeper kept pouring. "It's on me. You look like you need it anyways."

Remus finally mustered a smile and expressed his thanks. He wouldn't turn down an offer of the mind numbing liquor he had grown attached to. Of course, he had always indulged with his best friends for the sake of fun but now it served a different purpose. It made things easier for him. The thought of friends once again made his stomach flip, so he placed the cup to his lips and drank deeply, the burning sensation and hard kick of it comforting.

"You know that I'll be twenty-two in a few months?" Remus said quietly as his legs began to feel lighter and his mind softer.

_Remus was sleeping restlessly against the earth. Sweat beaded on his forehead as his body tossed and turned. It was the night of the full moon and the rest of the pack was restless. He could sense the overwhelming, almost electric feeling that filled the air and teased out his primal senses. He would soon be completely Moony and no longer Remus._

_He would have been awoken by the sounds of the others stirring if not for the voice of Albus Dumbledore that appeared in the form of an ethereal phoenix. _

_"Godric's Hollow has been attacked." The voice of the Order's leader - so often calm - was laced with pain. _

_Remus's eyes flashed open and he stood up abruptly, pulling his wand from his pocket and gripping it with ferocity, his animal instincts and human emotions mixing powerfully. _

_The phoenix paused before lowered its head slightly, its words grave, "There is nothing that can be done. Return to headquarters after the full moon. Do not Apparate."_

_Any color that may have tinged his face left in an instant, the young man's body becoming as white as the full moon, his blood turning cold. His eyes filled with tears as he angrily gripped his wand and thrust it towards the Patronus yelling, "No! I will not wait here!" His mind raced with images of James, Lily, and the littlest Potter at his first birthday party. He thought of how bright their smiles were and what a source of hope they were, especially for him. Remus began to think about where he wanted to be, his brows pulled together in determination. Godric's Hollow._

_He was so close to Apparating when a familiar but unwelcome pain ripped through his body and left him face down on the earth. "Not now," he thought as he fought against the inevitable, his face rubbing against dirt and rocks as tears still flowed._

_He threw his wand before emerging claws began scratching at his own flesh, the bones breaking and stretching beneath discardable skin. Before long he could no longer think due to the pain that continued building. There was the crackling of his spine as it elongated and then the feeling of fire bathing his skin as fur grew through flesh. His face elongated into a canine muzzle and eyes turned a startling yellow color. Despite this tears still clung to the orbs and were the only hint left of his humanity. _

_The phoenix remained where it was throughout the process; Dumbledore knew that this would happen. The old wizard's words were quiet. "I am sorry Remus..." the phoenix paused as Moony stirred and began to raise himself off the ground. The other one inside him was sad, and for some reason the wolf felt sadness too. "…but the boy lived." _

_Something was missing, members of his pack. It was not the pack he was living amongst, it was his true pack. Members were gone. Sadness turned to anger inside the wolf and he lashed out at the phoenix, claws ripping through the air and jaws snapping together in an attempt to catch it. He wanted to kill the source of sadness. _

_The Patronus disappeared and the wolf raised its head towards the sky, its mouth erupting in a frightening and eerie cry that was neither man nor beast. _

Remus's eyes were brimming with tears as he shook his head. He was quite drunk, but this night it seemed he would not be able to escape his past. He had enough sense not to let Tom see him in such a state, so he downed another gulp of Firewhisky, hoping to fill himself up with the liquid courage.

It had been only two months since the murder of three of his best friends by the hand of another. Sirius Black had betrayed them all. Remus would have probably been another casualty if he had not been with the werewolf pack and even then that particular full moon had almost killed him. He had awoken bleeding out and covered in bite marks and cuts from a mourning and bloodthirsty Moony, yet he forced himself to Floo back to the Order headquarters through an abandoned Muggle cabin. Once he got there he had planned on strangling Dumbledore, but instead he had collapsed into the man's arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Hey, Tom! Fill me up again like the good man that you are," he slurred as he sat down his cup a little too forcefully onto the table. He smiled in his drunken stupor as Tom grabbed the bottle of Firewhisky and then held it for a while, contemplating what it could lead to, before returning it back to the shelf. The innkeeper instead flicked his wand in the air and Remus looked down happily and raised the cup to his lips. He took a large mouthful before grimacing and placing the cup back down. "This is tasteless, Tom."

"That's because it's water," the man said with a laugh as he walked toward a witch who had just cozied up to the bar.

It was getting late now and patrons were bound to start pouring in. Remus had gotten drunk before it was even acceptable and in wizard standards that time was already quite early. He attempted to think of a specific spell… something about turning water into wine. He scratched his head lazily before giving up. He didn't want to conjure up something that tasted like onion juice on accident.

Before he could think of another spell to turn his water into something more drinkable, he heard the screech of an owl and turned his head just in time to see a soot-colored bird no bigger than his fist veer straight toward him. The small creature fluffed out its wings right before landing and then slid slightly across the bar, stopping right in front of a confused Remus. It had a small piece of parchment attached to its legs and its large, orange eyes gave him a look of what seemed like disappointment.

The young man glared back at the owl before untying the parchment from its leg. He then gestured to the water that he had now found a use for. "Quit giving me that look and drink up."

He slowly unrolled the parchment to find familiar and elegant script:

_Mr. Lupin,_

_I have enclosed an address to a location where you will find something that may interest you. While I hope that this will brighten you from your current mental state, I cannot with certainty predict how you may feel regarding the matter. I believe, however, that we all need something to lift our spirits in these dark times._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Remus re-read both pieces of parchment at least a dozen times. Dumbledore was known for his cryptic messages but what had surprised Remus the most was that the address he had included was that of a Muggle dwelling.

"Merlin's beard," the young wizard growled as he waved Tom over. His head throbbed to the rhythm of his heart. "I know this is a pub, but do you happen to have any Sober-Up Potion?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All characters of the Harry Potter Universe are property of J.K. Rowling. Any canon characters, scenes, or plots that I use are not mine and I do not profit from them.

**Warning: **M for language, violence, and some eventual smut.

**A/N: **I wanted to thank my first two reviewers. It's one of the most exciting things to see others appreciate your writing and more specifically, to compliment it. Thank you **chinaglaze **and **sweetmelodies47**. This fic honestly just sprouted out of my love and addictive need for more Hermione and Remus fanfics. I had the ideas for a couple scenes in my head and I decided to start writing them out. I'm not quite sure how quickly his will progress or how long this will be, but I hope you enjoy the ride. Also, there will probably be some eventual smut. This obviously won't be happening for quite a while. When its written there will be a warning just in case that isn't your cup of tea. I know Remus is a little out of character now, but that's mostly because he's quite young in these first chapters. I'll try to do him justice. I'm open to recommendations or critiques. Also, thanks again to my wonderful and amazing Beta, **SheAlone**! She is fabulous! Okay, I'll be quiet now.

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**Wolf and I**

Chapter Two: Into the Light

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The world had stopped spinning since the potion had set in. He was thankful for that small blessing because he now found himself in close proximity to a trolley full of Muggles in downtown Liverpool. A scrap of parchment with his destination remained crumpled within his fist as his eyes wandered hesitantly to those around him. It wasn't long until he realized that the passengers were a bit curious about him as well. Their attention in particular seemed to be fixated on his clothes and while some politely averted their gazes, others openly gawked and whispered. The tattered and dark stained robe the young wizard was wearing was a bit out of place. _Damn, probably should have used a Glamour Charm._

It was a little too late now and all he could do was hope that the shadows of the night helped conceal some of the larger rips in the fabric. He had enough to worry about with the pull of the full moon being less than a week away. It would be his second since the massacre at Godric's Hollow and his wounds had still not recovered. It had always been his friends in their Animagi forms that had kept him from falling so far, but now he was now completely and utterly alone. Just like when he was a child.

"_Remus, dear. Won't you please come here?" _

"_No! I'll hurt you!" _

_A woman with lines on her face too deep for her age stood, frowning into the inky blackness of an open shed. She was a thin woman who had probably once been quite beautiful, yet life had not been kind to her or her family and it showed in her slouching posture and glassy, green eyes. _

"_It wasn't your fault, sweetheart," Hope Lupin insisted as she stepped into the doorway and saw the crumpled form of her one and only son against a vacant corner. The sunlight from outside cut through the dark and as her eyes lingered over the deep marks that marred the wood from the inside, she did not even blink._

"_It was just a baby, though…" the voice of the small boy moaned in horror as his hands remained planted firmly against his face. They were covered in blood. "I killed it, Mum! I'll kill you too if you get too close!"_

"_Hush, now." The woman reached out carefully to the small boy and, despite his protests, pulled him into a gentle embrace. When he attempted to push her away she began to hum to him softly as she stroked his light hair, her grip never wavering despite his strength. "Now, I have a question for you, my smart and gentle boy. Do men hunt?" Her voice was surprisingly strong as she held his small frame covered in cuts and blood._

_Remus looked up at her with tear rimmed eyes before slowly nodding. He had finally stopped trying to escape and yielded to the warmth of his mother's arms, though his brows remained furrowed, and the words that escaped his mouth were angry, "But they don't rip things to bloody shreds."_

_His mother sighed. "Men are capable of great atrocities, Remus. Killing a fawn does not make you a bad man. Men can be monsters and you are definitely not one of them." She hugged him tightly once more before grabbing his hands, lacing his fingers into her own. Through the doorway the light created a halo around the woman. Everything was dark around her, but she remained strong. She would always be there to lead him into the sun. _

The loving Hope Lupin had been lost to him about a year before the death of his friends. His father, Lyall, had always been quiet and detached, ever since Greyback had stolen his childhood from him, but his mother supported him with every fiber of her being. She did not doubt him when Albus allowed him to enroll in Hogwarts. She did not fear for the lives of his new friends when he finally got the courage to introduce them.

These days Remus's stability was truly questionable, and what had he done about it? He had surrounded himself with Muggles who had no idea of the wolf hiding beneath tattered clothing.

"Final stop, Newsham Park!"

Remus looked around the now practically empty trolley. Before stepping out into the night, he flicked his wand and cast a Glamour Charm. He was now, for all visual purposes, wearing a thick coat, his neck wrapped tightly in a wool scarlet and gold scarf. He was thankful that he was not truly wearing so many layers as his blood always ran hot so close to the full moon; even in the chilly winter air he remained comfortable.

It wasn't long before his breath danced into the air. He glanced at the address in his hand briefly each time light fell from above the many lamp posts that bordered the street. Unlike the Muggle homes he saw in the city, these were spaced further apart. Far enough away to drown out the noise of the world, he had decidedly quickly that this would be somewhere he wouldn't have minded living if he had been born a Muggle. _This is it. Number five hundred and forty-nine._

It seemed to be the right place. When he had first received the cryptic message from Dumbledore he had pondered if the old wizard had given him the address of where Harry Potter was living. The little boy would almost be a year and a half now. After the death of James and Lily, he had been cast off as a ward into the home of the Dursley's. He knew that Lily and her sister had never been close; Petunia had a strong distaste for everything magic, but Remus still had hope that they would treat the orphan with kindness and love. Harry was a part of his mother, after all, and nobody could resist Lily.

Remus had initially been drawn to raise the boy himself but there was no way he would have been able to take care of the child. The Ministry was passing harsh laws against werewolves, and there was also the looming fact that he could barely even take care of himself.

He coughed quietly as he stood in front of the quaint vanilla-colored cottage. Even in the night he could see the puffy clouds of smoke billowing from a small chimney. With his feral senses high he could smell the burning oak wood and hear a noise escaping the dwelling: the cry of a small child.

While such a noise was usually unsettling, he was, for some reason, suddenly filled with curiosity. _Had the old wizard lost his mind?_ Perhaps he had mistaken the address; perhaps his true destination was a few houses down. Remus felt, however, compelled to investigate. He'd just take a peek into one of the house's frosted windows. The Gryffindor in him wouldn't let him leave without seeing if the child was truly okay. He thought of little Harry all by himself in Godric's Hollow with no one to console him and the image in his mind urged him onward.

Something felt familiar about the place. The closer he got to the source of the noise the stranger he felt; it was not an unpleasant feeling but instead unnaturally comforting. The warm glow of the windows reminded him of when he came home for Christmas season during his second year of Hogwarts. He had missed his friends, but his parents had surprised him that year with his very first broomstick and a handful of Honeydukes chocolate bars. The memory felt so alive as he moved closer to the cottage that he could almost swear that he smelled the scent of chocolate.

The wail of the child, however, made the memory fade away as quickly as it had manifested. His green eyes were now close enough to peer into the window that held the source of the noise. While it did feel intrusive, he couldn't help feeling curious as to why the child had not been hushed by its mother or perhaps even father. His eyes softened, however, as he gazed upon a crib.

Inside the pink-painted wood stood a wailing child with a reddened face and a truly curly mane of hair. Below the apparatus was a pile of blankets that had apparently been discarded with anger onto the floor. Before he could even chuckle he heard a stir inside the home, causing him to duck below the window and curse. He could still hear the creep of the door opening to the toddler's room.

"Hermione, love. Calm down and go to sleep," murmured a soft and feminine voice.

Remus couldn't help but feel saddened as his thoughts drifted once more to his own mother. To distract himself he looked up at the sky; the stars always seemed brighter with his animal instincts so close to the surface. He knew that the child inside was safe and loved. Albus Dumbledore had definitely sent him to the wrong dwelling. The old wizard was truly losing his mind. _It was bound to happen eventually_, he thought. He had grown tired of feeling like the only one whose world had stopped spinning the day the Unforgivable Curses had hit his friends.

He waited until he heard the door shut softly before stretching back up and pondering how he would get back to the inn at such an hour. He had heard of something called the Knight Bus that assisted stranded wizards. He still didn't feel strong or confident enough to Apparate, so he felt pretty stranded indeed. He began walking back towards the street until the sound of the child once again crying funneled straight into his hypersensitive ears and froze him on the spot. He wanted to move his feet forward, yet for some strange reason the damn wolf in him had stirred. It seemed that the demanding beast wanted him to turn around.

_Oh, no you don't_, Remus angrily snarled as Moony whimpered within. He had enough of the bloody beast each full moon and he was not ready to deal with him right now. The thought of him ever being in a room with a child made the young man's stomach twist tightly and bile fill his mouth. _Damn Dumbledore_.

Moony had always been a lingering presence that never truly faded but when he was around his friends he had felt almost normal. This changed after Dumbledore started to send him off into the werewolf packs; Moony had grown stronger because he had been let off his leash. Remus wondered if Dumbledore knew if that was a risk. He wondered if the man regretted sending him off to miss the precious moments he could have had with his friends.

Remus turned around and walked back towards the window. His hands ran through locks that were slightly frosted from the sweat that had turned solid in the late December air. He made it to the window just in time to catch the little girl in the act as she tossed her blankets once more from the crib defiantly. She must have been around two because her stance was sure as she gripped the frame of the crib and peered out from bars. She was going to cry all night if she had too, the determined and stubborn little thing.

Remus couldn't stop himself from chuckling this time despite the girl's cries and inside him the wolf crept forward. There wasn't aggression but instead something that felt protective; something he had not felt from Moony ever before. There were usually only three emotions from the wolf: anger, hunger, and lust. They were shameful and primal and he hated the way it made him feel to have them floating around his head. _What changed?_

"Mu—mmmm!" The little girl cried as she shook the wood to no avail.

There was no end in sight for the tantrum and Remus couldn't help but feel sorry for the little girl. Perhaps she was afraid of the dark. It was a common fear for most children and he could relate himself; bad things always happened in the dark. He remembered crawling into his parents' bed when he was still young until his father put a stop to it by conjuring a Patronus Charm to send to the boy every time he cried out. The bulldog that padded into his room illuminated everything with its blue light and would always curl up at the end of the young boy's bed until he fell asleep again.

He contemplated the repercussions of his actions. The Ministry did not allow the use of magic in front of Muggles unless there was a warranted reason. To soothe the crying of a child might stretch that definition, but for some reason he was willing to risk it. The wizard pulled the cypress wand from his shabby robes and closed his eyes for the hardest part: he needed to think of a happy memory.

His father was the one who had taught him how to cast a Patronus Charm. He worked for the Ministry and knew how to handle Boggarts, Poltergeists, and everything in between. This included Dementors as well, and his father made a point to teach his son how to cast a proper Patronus. It was not until many lessons and attempts that he was finally able to cast one. The form it took, however, both disappointed and angered him. From his wand sprouted not a gentle hare or even an imposing dragon. It was merely a wolf. That damn inescapable wolf.

_Happy thoughts_, he sighed as he focused on a particularly strong memory and waved his wand slowly and in tight circles.

"_Expecto Patronum."_

From the tip of his wand sprouted the form of the large, ethereal wolf. It passed through the barrier of the glass unscathed and landed in front of the crib, bathing the entire room with a soft blue glow. The little girl whose brown eyes had been filled with tears was now standing with eyes opened larger than ever before. Remus almost immediately wanted to take back the Patronus; it would surely be as terrifying to her as it had been to him.

He bit his lower lip in anticipation until the girl who had been frozen in surprise finally cried out, "Dog!"

Remus breathed a sigh of relief before chuckling to himself nervously. She was a brave little thing, he'd give her that. Her little hands reached out from the crib and waved at the wolf as its head cocked sideways in response. Remus then flicked his wand which caused the creature to begin pacing around the room. It was not limited to the earth and chose instead to leap through the air and ricochet off the walls. The silver-blue glow trailed with every movement and the girl giggled wildly at its antics, her satisfaction seemed to also satisfy Moony, who finally stilled with contentment.

The man who hadn't smiled in a long time finally had one that was genuine.

After about an hour, the Patronus finally curled up next to the little girl. _Hermione_, he remembered. She had fallen asleep with her face next to the bars, one chubby arm hanging out in an attempt to touch the wolf's twitching ears. Her hair was still wild and partially covering her face when the young wizard eventually lowered his wand. She had finally given up her strike on sleep so he let the wolf fade away into the darkness. It had been quite the night and Remus was now utterly spent. Despite not being able to sleep soundly for months, he felt like he could pass out at any moment.

He began to walk towards the street before remembering that he had forgotten something. He twisted around and pulled back out his wand, "_Wingardium Leviosa_!" He pointed the wand towards the pile of blankets that had been discarded onto the floor beside the girl's crib, flicking his wand up with a swish before carefully lowering the blankets to rest on the toddler's sleeping form. Putting the wand away, the brown-haired wizard bid the young lady good night before heading towards the street to meet the shiny, blue Knight Bus. He had questions for Dumbledore yet it seemed sleep would win the battle for now.

Moony was the only one left stirring in irritation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** All characters of the Harry Potter Universe are property of J.K. Rowling. Any canon characters, scenes, or plots that I use are not mine and I do not profit from them.

**Warning: **M for language, violence, and some eventual smut.

**A/N: **Thanks again to my solo reviewer **sweetmelodies47**! We still haven't gotten to where Hermione is older yet, but I promise we will be seeing that in the next chapter! I enjoyed writing some of these characters and trying to capture their personalities and I hope you enjoy my take on them. If you read this and you like it please, please review. It really helps motivate me. Once again credit must be given to my fantastic Beta, **SheAlone**, for polishing this up!

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**Wolf and I**

Chapter Three: Newton Scamander

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What sounded like the crack of a bullwhip struck the air and in its place stood the figure of an extremely disheveled and angry Remus Lupin. The young wizard glistened with sweat and his clothes were tattered more than usual.

"Where's Dumbledore?!" he growled as his green eyes glared with accusation at the form of Minerva McGonagall who eyed him in shock, her morning tea still steaming in her hands.

"Re-Remus Lupin! My goodness, what in Merlin's name happened to you?"

Remus hadn't intended to Apparate right in front of his former Transfiguration professor and as suddenly as the words spilled from his mouth he was instantly taken aback by his aggressiveness. He pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes straying to the ground. "I am quite sorry, Professor Mc—Minerva." While his eyes had softened his face remained crimson. "I need to speak to Dumbledore."

"Stop right there!" The gruff voice of Alastor Moody growled as he entered the room, his wand drawn into the air, pointing straight at the young wizard. He didn't stop approaching till it was placed firmly against the young man's throat. "Prove yourself," he spat as his electric blue eye whirled in its mechanical socket.

How could Remus have forgotten the peg-legged wizard's motto, 'constant vigilance'? For as long as air remained in his lungs he would be the eccentric and suspicious man that he was.

"You've been called Mad-Eye Moody ever since you lost your eye to Rosier, courtesy of Sirius Black and his immeasurable fondness for you." Remus gulped and felt the wood tickle his Adam's apple. "Now would you mind lowering your damn wand?"

Moody licked his lips, eliciting a grunt before pulling the wand from Remus's neck. "I reckon you had one hell of a moon to think I wouldn't jinx your head clear off your shoulders for Apparating in here unannounced."

He hated the way that bloody rotating eye stared at him. It always seemed to look right past him and straight into his soul. "I need to see Dumbledore, Moody. Now," the young man practically growled through tightly clenched teeth.

The Auror gave a wave of a hand as his peg leg rapped against the floor. "What you need is a shower! You smell like you've rolled in troll dung and you don't look much better."

McGonagall made a surprised gasp, her mouth evolving into a frown. Remus had always been one of her brightest students, even if she disliked that his friends always seemed to drag him into trouble while at Hogwarts. "That's quite enough, Moody!" the witch commanded.

Remus boiled with anger. He didn't Apparate to the headquarters of the Order to be verbally assaulted by Mad-Eye and make a mockery of himself in front one of his favorite former professors.

"I apologize for disturbing you, Prof-" Remus muttered before he let out a sigh of frustration. "Please just enjoy your tea," he said dejectedly before storming out of the room with his robes billowing behind him.

The scraping sound of Moody's peg leg trailed behind him as he made a beeline towards the library, his fists clenched at his side. If there was one thing the Auror didn't have on him it was speed, even after a full moon.

oOoOoOo

As soon as Remus entered the library he pointed his wand to the door. "_Colloportus Perpetuus_!" The door slammed forcibly and while Remus knew he would eventually get hexed to oblivion by the Auror he would at least have some privacy for now.

"Ah, Remus. Care for a lemon drop?"

The voice of Albus Dumbledore was warm as he lifted his bright, blue eyes from the tome he had been reading. They were always twinkling; those eyes, and right now they were making Remus burn from the inside out.

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" The young wizard snapped with fury. "Why didn't you just throw me into Azkaban yourself?" The man's usually green eyes were rimmed with gold, his pupils dilated.

Despite the venomous words that spilled from the werewolf, the white-bearded wizard seemed unfazed. He let one wrinkled hand adjust his glasses while the other gently closed the book he had been reading.

"Do you know where I live, Albus?"

Dumbledore's expression turned cheerful. "I believe it is Yorkshire, yes? I do adore their liquorice sweets, " the wizard remarked with a knowing smile.

The lycanthrope was shaking with rage and for a moment he contemplated taking his anger out on the books around him but as soon as the almost sacrilegious thought crossed his mind he settled for merely pacing. "I do…" he growled, "which is why I found it so surprising to wake up in Liverpool."

His head hung down shamefully as he let one hand linger over a book titled _Numerology and Grammatica_. "I was only a handful of miles from her house, Albus!" His fist slammed against the wall. "That's how close the wolf got!" He felt disgust wash over him at the mere thought of the toddler and her unruly curls.

The old man's blue eyes softened as he stared at one of the youngest members of the Order. He was too old to be called a boy but was also not quite a man. "Are you familiar with Newton Scamander's work?"

"Of course," Remus snapped. "_Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them_ was a required text at Hogwarts, not to mention it is one of the greatest publications of the wizarding world." His brows furrowed. Dumbledore already knew that Remus was a voracious reader so he wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"Yes, it is quite well written too. However, the published version is incomplete. Scamander actually had somewhat of a fascination for part-humans, and he wrote much on the subject of vampires and werewolves." His eyes had that twinkle in them again that both infuriated and intrigued the younger wizard.

"The things he wrote would have been very controversial indeed if they had been published with the rest of his work, so rather than cause conflict, they were merely forgotten," he finished with a wave of his hands. After a moment of silence, Dumbledore chuckled, "Some people believe we should restrict what the youth have available to their young and pliable minds. What do you believe?"

The brown-haired wizard merely stood in contemplation. Hogwarts had a Restricted Section for such books but to completely remove information from being accessible like it had never been written at all, was a horrifying suggestion. The Ministry in particular had always been on a crusade against half-humans and their biggest weapon had always been misinformation.

"I presumed as much." Dumbledore's knowing smile caused the lines around his eyes to become even more exaggerated. "You know, Remus, you would make a fine professor."

"I am not here to talk to you about my fictional future," Remus said with a sigh. "I am here to talk to you about the very real life of that young girl; one that is threatened by my very existence."

"We must not let one part of ourselves define us," the headmaster said with a huff. "Now, I have something for you."

Before Remus could even fathom what the old wizard was referring to, the man shouted, "_Accio_!" In an instant, one of the bookshelves began vibrating, wood creaking, before a great leather-bound text emerged from the sea of multicolored spines. The lycanthrope almost had to duck out of the way as it hurled towards him, slowing at the last moment and then merely floating in front of his face.

Dumbledore laughed quietly at the sight of the young man who mumbled something about a 'bloody old bat' before grabbing the tome and buffing off its dusty cover. Remus' green eyes attempted to make out the faded title. "'_A Study of Half-Humans, Myths Revealed'_… by Newton Scamander," he slowly read with increasing surprise.

"It's the only one of its kind. Scamander wrote it using his experiences amongst werewolves and vampires. A fascinating read, really, but he feared it would ruin his career and reputation. Thus, it was never published." The wizard almost had a sad frown on his face. "He gifted it to me before his death." He placed another Lemon drop in his mouth before steadily saying, "The fourth chapter may be most helpful."

Remus opened the book carefully as if he was holding one of the most precious of objects, eyes scanning over the first page. '_The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown'_. The young man's lips parted with an amused smile before examining the index. There were chapters ranging from the author's experiences of living amongst vampires, to how powered silver actually aided in sealing the magically-resistant wounds of werewolves.

He finally made it to the title of the fourth chapter. '_The Myth of Mates'_. Remus turned a light shade of pink at the words and closed the book slowly before turning to his former headmaster. He felt nauseous.

"Are y-you suggesting what I think you are?" The man croaked. "Surely you must be mistaken." He was both shocked and mortified with himself.

"How did you feel around her?" The old wizard questioned with curiosity.

Remus groaned as he recalled the feeling of happiness, something he had not felt for months. The supposed invisible Dementor that had been following him around, leaving him filled with despair, had been banished temporarily by the girl's incessant giggling.

"There is nothing wrong with feeling the need to protect the child. A girl with a werewolf guarding over her would be a safe one indeed." The wizard smiled warmly as he stood up from his chair and walked toward the magically sealed door.

"And when she's grown? What happens when she discovers that some old man thinks he has some s-sort of claim on her just because he is a monster?" This was just too much. His brain was swirling with scenarios ranging from pitchfork-wielding villagers to the terrifying thought of being both old and balding.

"Then I can look forward to sharing my closely-guarded knitting patterns with you. However, right now I believe it is in your best interest to un-charm that door." His blue eyes were absolutely dancing. "You may want to hold tightly to that book too. Apparating may be your safest chance of escaping with all your appendages."

Beyond the door, an angry Alastor Moody was absolutely seething, putting together in his head the most ghastly string of spells ranging from pus-squirting to knee-reversal hexes.

Remus blanched before nodding his head in thanks. He held onto the book tightly before quickly flicking his wand towards the door and then feeling his way into the nothingness. He felt an invisible force pull and then compact him, leaving nothing but a crack of noise where he had stood.

He Disapparated right before the angry form of Moody crashed through the unsealed door.

"Hello, Alastor. Would you care for a Lemon drop?" The Dumbledore smiled happily.

oOoOoOo

Remus Apparated back to his cottage on the outskirts of Yorkshire.

The feeling of adrenaline had subsided and now the man acutely felt the ache of his bones, particularly in his arms and legs. Bloody Moony had attempted to travel over a hundred miles in a single night and now Remus was suffering the consequences.

It seemed he was not the only one that had suffered. His house appeared to have been thoroughly trashed by the rampaging werewolf who had sought to escape his monthly containment. Remus Lupin had never been able to afford what most people would call "nice" things, however, he was proud of what he had and was disturbed by the sight of the wreckage.

Family furniture that had been passed on to him from his mother's Muggle side appeared to be slashed to ribbons. The forest green and chocolate fabric of a couch gaped open, foam padding littering the floor. Two of the windows had been completely blown out, leaving glass everywhere, and his front door was missing completely.

He growled as he placed the book he had been cradling in his arms onto a scratched up wooden end table. The beast that had once left scratches only slightly bigger than a dog's now left indentations a quarter inch thick. To imagine a human going up against those claws caused the man to shiver.

He found the culprit for his late night wanderings in the form of a busted open latch leading to the cottage's basement. The wolf had been on a mission last night and rather than beating up himself, he had been set on breaking out.

The metal lock and latch had been completely uprooted from the floor, allowing the wolf enough room to squeeze through and out into the world. Remus contemplated how long it may have taken Moony to do so; an hour perhaps? That had been the difference between Moony not making it to the residence of Hermione and her loving Muggle family.

The young man with stubble that ghosted over his face gave an exhausted sigh before drawing his wand and going to work. Reparo would always be one of the spells he was most thankful for.

After the repairs were done he planned on sitting down with '_A Study of Half-Humans, Myths Revealed',_ and a piping hot cup of tea until he could no longer keep his sleepy, green eyes open.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** All characters of the Harry Potter Universe are property of J.K. Rowling. Any canon characters, scenes, or plots that I use are not mine and I do not profit from them.

**Warning: **M for language, violence, and some eventual smut.

**A/N: **Wow! I have been absolutely blown away by the amount of views, follows, favorites, and reviews that have taken over the first few pages of my inbox! At first I wasn't sure what had happened until I realized that my absolutely amazing Beta, **SheAlone**, had mentioned my fic on one of her latest chapters of _The Debt of Time_! I was smiling ear to ear all weekend due to it all. So an enormous thank you to her! When it comes to reviews, I am glad everyone enjoyed the Patronus scene with little Hermione. That was the scene that actually inspired this particular fic! I'm sorry there is no interaction between Hermione and Remus in this chapter either but I don't want to skip too many things, and I also want to be able to develop Remus a little more! Thank you all for all the kind words, though, you all are wonderful!

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**Wolf and I**

Chapter Four: Innocence and Prejudice

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Mrs. Granger wore a look of determination as she pushed the squeaking trolley down aisle five, surveying the numerous pastas with a critical eye. After internally calculating whether or not it was the best deal, she finally settled on the farfalle. Then, satisfied with her decision, she handed off the bag of bow-tie noodles to her tiny shopping companion. The smiling girl's chestnut hair had been secured with a pair of butterfly-imposed barrettes today, and it was only through a barrage of distractions from her mother that they had remained in place.

The trip, while short, had been one to remember. At one point, Mrs. Granger had strayed too far from the trolley to pick up a carton of eggs. When she returned, the little girl was clutching a lemon with a look of utter disgust on her face. Her mother let out a laugh before Hermione chucked it through the air, sour expression still intact. She wasn't quite sure how the toddler had gotten ahold of it in the first place, but her Hermione was a sneaky little thing.

When they finally made it to the checkout counter their trolley was filled to the brim and the two-year-old had grown impatient. She had acted well enough throughout the trip, but her mother refused to reward her with a mouthful of sugar. Both the girl's parents were dentists, after all, and their daughter would not succumb to a mouthful of cavities like most of their patients. To her frustration, a significant amount of people were ahead of them in the line so she looked desperately around for another distraction.

A bin of stuffed toys was a welcome sight and Mrs. Granger pushed her cart over to it so her daughter could pick out something. A plush, white cat seemed like the best choice and she showed it to Hermione. "How about this cat? Feel how soft she is, Hermione." She pulled the small girl's fingers towards the stuffed animal, but the young girl yanked them back quickly.

"Dog!" She exclaimed as she pointed towards one creature in particular. The creature was not fluffy, but smooth-furred, and had a pair of yellow eyes.

"Oh, darling. That's not a dog," she said dismissively as she reached for a brown puppy that had a red bow tied around its neck. "Here is a dog. Look at its cute bow! Don't you like it?"

The little girl pushed it away and shook her head. "Dog, there," she pointed with growing determination.

Mrs. Granger sighed before picking up the silver-colored wolf. It was cute, in a way, but not soft and fluffy like most of the stuffed toys. She stroked its fur before handing it to her daughter, whose brown eyes lit up with happiness before snuggling it against her.

"Do you know what a wolf is?" The girl's mother asked. The little girl in response shook her head as her chubby fingers played with the stuffed animal's pointy ears. "A wolf is a wild animal. It is not like a dog that you can play with and let live in your home. No, they live in forests in family groups, called packs, and they can be dangerous," her mother said with a clipped, academic tone.

Her daughter's brown eyes were wide like that of a doe's. Hermione was always listening, which seemed unnatural for her age. Her parents sometimes referred to her as an old soul. Mrs. Granger paused before adding, "But, they can be very loyal to the ones they love, very protective. They also howl, which is kind of like singing." She began to push the cart back towards the checkout line while her daughter continued to clutch her new friend

"Why don't we call him Mister Wolfe? That's a nice, dignified name. What do you think?"

The two-year-old smiled before nodding in agreement.

oOoOoOo

"If I have to file one more dragon dung sighting I am going to absolutely lose it," the wizard muttered as he stared at the piles of papers in front of him. It was the height of the dragon migration season and with more dragons moving through the area there had also been an influx of… waste. At first he had thought it was quite funny until he read one report detailing of how a small house had been almost crushed by the stuff.

"Mr. Lupin!" The low, dry voice of Remus' superior, Mr. Zaxby exclaimed. The had a portly figure with small spectacles that dug into his nose and cheeks. "Did you finish filing the reports on the Koelzer Affair?"

The young man's face grew slightly pale at the mention of it. Remus remembered the summary report stating how the Koelzer family had been attacked by a werewolf while camping. The mother and daughter had escaped relatively unharmed, while the father, who had attempted to hex the beast, had been tragically bitten. The report had included pictures that had made his insides turn and he knew the attack would ignite the passing of even more anti-werewolf legislation; stories like this always did.

"Mr. Lupin?" The man asked again with an annoyed snort.

"Yes! I mean… I finished filing about half of it." Remus was now fidgeting uncomfortably with his tie that seemed now ridiculously too big for him. Sirius would have barked with laughter at the sight of him confined to a desk and quill all day long.

"What do you mean only half? Is that what you are paid for, boy? Do you get paid for doing only half a job?" He was the kind of man that threw spit every time he talked and soon Remus felt a droplet hit his face, causing him to recoil with disgust.

"I apologize, Mr. Zaxby. I was not feeling well last week due to my, err… condition. I assure you that I will get it done as soon as possible," the young wizard finished as he stared carefully at the squinty-eyed man.

"Your condition?" The older man growled, his face turning a dark purple shade. "Is that what they call it? You may have friends in high places, boy, but I refuse to not address you for what you are." His blue eyes were icy. "A half-breed," he spat. "Working in the Ministry too! It's only a matter of time before somebody is filing a report that you were the cause of."

Remus felt heat bathing his entire body. Sure, he had heard the muttering and the stares ever since he had walked into the Ministry, but never had he been so openly attacked for his lycanthropy. Before he even knew it he was standing up behind his desk and was yanking the ridiculous tie from his neck, teeth bared. "I am officially handing in my resignation, Mr. Zaxby." He flicked his wand in the air, a piece of parchment appearing in its wake, before smacking it down loudly against the desk. Now everyone was staring.

"Good day," he growled a little too ferally, which caused the plump man to back up a few paces. Remus gave a satisfied snort before grabbing his briefcase and stalking past his former superior. Dumbledore may have made the Ministry give him a job but could never erase the prejudice that filled the damn place.

oOoOoOo

"_Incendio!_"

Flames escaped from the tip of Remus' cypress wand and licked the logs within the dusty fireplace of his cottage. The wood popped and cracked under the intense heat, and once sufficiently smoldering, the young wizard gave another flick of his wand to open the flue. He turned a brief glance at the tie still clutched in his fist before casting it into the fire and watching it ignite with satisfaction.

Remus had always wanted to be an Auror before he had graduated Hogwarts. He had met the academic requirements, of course, but training was rigorous and he didn't have a chance to even consider the path before he and his friends were swept up into the Order. _They probably wouldn't have accepted a bloody werewolf anyway_, he mused darkly. Not to mention he would have been potentially trained by none other than Mad-Eye Moody, which he figured, had the potential to be worse than a stint in Azkaban.

The green-eyed man began to shed the rest of his stuffy clothes in the firelight and with each layer he felt more liberated. He was far too young to sit at a desk all day and listen to the gabbing of old, ignorant wizards. He let his hands run through the locks of his hair and sighed, the warm hues of the flames accentuating lean, muscular arms. His chest was not chiseled but still pleasingly defined and it was highlighted by a splay of silver ribbons that stretched down towards his navel, right before a patch of darker hair began. The amber bottle of Firewhiskey tempted him from above the fireplace, but he knew a much better way to distract himself.

He kicked off his shoes, leaving only his trousers on, before walking towards a shelf that was overstuffed with books. His fingers caressed across each spine before finally settling on what he had been looking for: '_A Study of Half-Humans, Myths Revealed_.' He carefully pulled it from the shelf before sinking into the couch and finding the desired chapter.

"… _There have been many theories regarding the existence of magically-based bonds between a werewolf and what has been referred to as their "true mate." My experiences with the werewolf packs of Lisburn verified the rareness of this phenomenon. Even being one of the oldest packs on record, the elders could only recall the story of one such bonded pair within their history. Despite this, it seemed the story was quite important to the pack; the younger generations in the particular. The romanticized notion of having a "true mate" is a powerful one for the packs and I prodded further in questioning them about the mechanics of the bond to better understand it._

_I was informed that the bond is predestined between a pair and exists before birth, and exists even after the death of one's intended mate. It is also differs in that, unlike a marriage bond, it cannot be broken once sealed. A true sealing, however, requires a rather archaic ritual involving "marking" ones said mate through a bite. While this does not have to be done during a transformation, it has been agreed upon by the packs that only those with magic in their veins can be a "true mate". This may be why Muggles so often fall victim to the bite of a werewolf, while magical ones can survive and even be turned._

_Identifying one's "true mate" is experienced through tangible and intangible means. The magical pull is apparently the greatest factor that draws one toward their predestined, but the sight and smell of a mate can also evoke strong ties and desires. The beast-form of the werewolf is the most susceptible to these drives due to its animal instincts; this side is what often initially discovers the bond. Werewolves that separate themselves from their more animal side are less likely to feel the symptoms of said bond, yet will still feel an unnatural pull towards their mate._

_If a werewolf discovers his "true mate" but does not seal the bond, his or her inner beast can grow more violent and unpredictable. According to the elders, however, the bond prevents even a transformed werewolf from harming its "true mate"…"_

Remus eyed the text skeptically through green eyes that reflected the dancing flames from the fireplace. He had read the passage more times than he could count and it did little to quench his unease. The rest of the chapter had described accounts of true mates in other packs, including an old werewolf who had, on his death bed, found that the nurse who had attended him had been his true mate. Another part of the text described in great detail, the "sealing" ritual, which he quickly chose to avoid altogether after noticing some of its more intimate details.

He closed the book carefully and rested it upon the end table. He still wasn't certain how Dumbledore had known about the little girl in the first place but he wouldn't put anything past the ancient wizard, though. _Dumbledore's head is filled with many things_, he mused, _and some are probably not bound by time._

While he hadn't seen the little girl since he had first discovered her existence, Remus had, however, researched her and her family. He had discovered that her birth name was Hermione Granger and she was born on the nineteenth of September. Her parents were dentists and had their own small practice in Liverpool. In less than a month, Hermione would be turning three.

He wasn't sure what he wanted to do regarding the child. Part of him wanted to Apparate to one of the far corners of the world to live out the rest of his days, far from her. Yet another quieter part of him wanted to protect and watch over her and to see what kind of person she would grow into. According to Scamander's book she had to have magic within her to be his mate, which made her a Muggle-born witch.

Remus knew that if there was another group other than half-humans that faced just as much prejudice in the wizarding world it was Muggle-borns. 'You-Know-Who' in particular had tried his hardest to wipe out both Muggles and Muggle-born witches and wizards. Remus relished in the fact that his work with the Order had at least helped make the world a better, safer place for her in that respect. Prejudice was deep-rooted, though, and with every step forward there always seemed to be another step back. The whole belief that Muggles 'stole pure-blood magic' made him growl at the sheer level of ignorance.

Despite still simmering with anger the young man's mind strayed back to the girl's birthday. He didn't have much money to his name, especially after what happened at the Ministry… and he couldn't just send her something enchanted either. He let one hand scratch the stubble on his chin thoughtfully as the taste of chocolate crossed his mind. _Bollocks, her parents are dentists._ That wouldn't work either.

She was also too young for books and just about anything else. So instead he imagined what would have happened if his friends had never passed and if things had never gone down such a dark path. For Harry's third birthday, he could see Sirius surprising him with his very own hatchling Hungarian Horntail, which would have very well made Lily start the Second Wizarding War. She probably would have hexed him until he promised to return the thing back from whence it came, and the damn troublemaker would have probably transfigured the overgrown lizard back into the puppy that it truly was.

The thought made him smile briefly before remembering that the scenario had never, and would never, exist. No, his traitor of a friend was sitting in Azkaban right now with only the Dementors to comfort him. Remus didn't know why he still flinched painfully at that fact and it made him decide that maybe he did need a couple sips of Firewhiskey tonight.


End file.
